And the diagnosis is...

Nothing. At least not yet. But the new dr. did not send me home with some prescription for some drug that may or may not work with whatever condition(s) I may or may not have. Here's how it went down, Husband and I met with the PA or NP or whoever for a good long while during our first visit to the new clinic. She explained in great detail some of the things that could be wrong. (Did you know that some women do not have fallopian tubes, and, conversely, that some women have two of some of their parts?) And if you are missing, say your fallopian tubes, then clomed will make you ovulate more, but they will then just float through your body, searching for sperm around the lungs, kidneys and wherever else the little ova journey before they disappear, sad and useless, just like all their sisters before them.

So, we were basically given two options for the next step in the diagnosis process. The first option is for me to have two procedures done, one of which is an HSG test and can be VERY painful. Even if this goes well and only causes me serious pain, it may be inconclusive and still require me to have option #2 done as well. The second option is for me to have minor out patient surgery where they will cut into my abdomen and send a scope in and have a look around, to make sure that I have all the parts I am supposed to have and that nothing is blocked, or if something is, they may just unblock it then and that may fix it. I doubt it will be that easy for us, but you never know. I kind of picture the dr. cutting me open and taking out my insides to have a look at them. Too bad I'll be asleep and unable to see what he does, eh?

Almost immediately I decided to go ahead with the surgery, but they want to run blood tests and this was just a week before Christmas and our insurance was set to change at the first of the year so we figured we'd wait until 2009. And here it is. I'm kind of looking forward to being cut open. I've never had surgery before and I have only been put all the way under when I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I have a ton of sick time at work so I'll be able to recover fully from home. Maybe I'll even get a present out of Husband for it. Or a baby. Either way.

So my experience with this dr. has been SO MUCH BETTER than the dr. I saw before. I feel so good about going here and I still am not convinced that I will ever be pregnant but I am excited about the process.

I never would have said that to Lance Armstrong

Husband and I participated in some car shopping last week. I suppose I look my age and since I was test driving sedans the inevitable question came up.
"Do you have kids?"
"No."
"Are you going to have some?"
"Maybe, hopefully, we'll see in the coming months/years."
"Oh."
I felt pretty at ease with one salesman and his male coworker, who didn't look much older than I and since they're salesmen and worked on the personal rapport with me, I gave them more info, hoping for a pity discount in order to save some money for various procedures. We finished up the night talking in the coworker's office. Here's how it went down:

Him (pointing out the photo of a young boy on his desk): That's my son. I would love more.

Me: There's always time. I can say that to you because people are always telling me how much time I have.

Him: Actually I'm a cancer survivor. I had testicular cancer so the fact that I have one is pretty amazing.

Me (to myself with a look of horror on my face): D'oh! I suppose I'll not be getting the pity discount anymore.

Honestly, what are the odds? Testicular cancer? Really!? Touche, sir. Good day!

The Cycle Begins Again..

I just left my primary care physician and I feel so good. No good news about fixing me, it wasn't that easy before and it won't be that easy this time but I feel like a medical professional actually cares. The NP who examined me was able to recommend a fertility clinic in the area that she has personal experience with. I just looked them up online and they seem like they will be SO MUCH BETTER than where I went before. I won't make my appointment until December or January but I feel good knowing what direction we're going to take then. She also recommended things I can do now to prepare for the journey.
Oh, and she told me that I have a *shy* cervix. That's a new one. Up until now the only abnormalities have been with my uterus but nothing that would keep a normal person from getting pregnant for 6 years. Something to work with at least.

Welcome

This blog has been a long time coming. I registered it a while ago because I wanted this particular url (or whatever it's called) but I have not been ready to write anything. Sorry to anyone who's been waiting with baited breath. Without further ado, here' s my story:

I am infertile but I prefer the term broken. No one knows why, not me, not Husband, not any of the doctors I have been to. I find the whole process frustrating because it seems we can cure anything, except the common cold, cancer, and infertility in an otherwise healthy, young(-ish) couple. It's been six years now (and counting!) that we've been trying to get pregnant, with absolutely no avail. Not even a little avail. I have come to find that infertility is something that is not understood very well and I want to try to help. I do not expect my experiences to be all-encompassing for every infertile woman or couple out there, but with this blog, I hope to help some people understand what it is like, at least for me. It may be more information than many of you ever wanted about me/us.

I plan on beginning treatments again early next year and I want to keep a record of it, as well as to record what I have been through thus far. I will not pretend that it has been as difficult for me as it is for others and I don't want to belittle anything that anyone else has experienced or felt. I won't say that it has been particularly difficult for me. Sure, there are moments when it hurts but mostly I am happy with my lot in life and scared to even think about having kids. I want to show the humorous aspects of infertility. Really, there have been several. Read along if you wish and I apologize in advance of offending anyone who reads this, but I intend it to be a fairly naked baring of myself.

Enjoy!