Saturday, February 4, 2012


Lest anyone think that I'm stronger than I am, these past few weeks have sucked. They've sucked monkeyballs. I get very sad and cry a lot and Stewart holds me and never tells me not to cry. But we're making it through. And I think we're doing well at it even.

I've been back at work for three weeks, only took one week off. The routine is really nice. Everyone at work has been wonderful, they still don't want me lifting anything. It's kind of hard for me to let others do stuff I should be able to do.

My birthday's coming up later this month and the husband asked what I'd like. I told him I could really use a new ovary. And I even found a place where he could get me one. But alas, he got me some other stuff, including a movie I recently bought for him. Is a replacement ovary something a girl can buy herself? I don't know the etiquette on this one.

I still can't exercise, I'm giving myself until the aforementioned birthday to take it easy a bit so I have more free time than I'm used to. Which means that my house is cleaner than it usually is, and I watch more tv too.

At my follow-up appointment with the doctor we reviewed the results of all of my lab work that I had done the day before I exploded. Interesting stuff. She tested me for clotting factors, given my family and personal history. I had no markers for Factor 5 Leiden (yay!) but one marker of two other clotting factors. Nothing to be too concerned about but she may put me on a baby aspirin regimen when I get pregnant again. And my vitamin D levels were dangerously low so I have some pills to take. And I tested negative for every single STD. Double Yay! But not surprising.

Surprisingly, the doctor said that we can start trying to get pregnant again right away. I was worried she'd want me to wait a year. That being said, we're not ready yet. Stewart isn't terribly excited to do something that almost cost me my life the last time I tried it. So we'll wait. But not forever.

I used to be scared of giving birth. What if I need a c-section. What if it hurts more than I expect and I want an epidural? Well, I'm not concerned with those things anymore. I'll be able to handle it. And a c-section will be just one more layer to have cut open than what I had done last month and this recovery has been alright, not as bad as expected.

The fallopian tube and ovary I lost were on my left side. When I ran through our glass door as a child, the stitches I got and all the scars I have are on the left side of my face and my left wrist. When I was hit in the head with a golf-ball at 17 and got stitches again, it was on the left side of my face. While out running with the husband last year I biffed it and road rashed my left knee, left shoulder, and still have a faint scar under my left eye. I'm pretty sure that I'll wake up one morning, my left arm having fallen off, a huge clot in its place.

We're going away for Mother's Day weekend. I just don't think I'll be able to handle church that day. So we're planning a trip to Pittsburgh where we'll hit a baseball game and run a cancer-fighting race. Father's Day is up to Stewart but I think he wants to stay here because last year the RS gave all the men candy bars and he's sucker for a Nutrageous.

Despite the all around suckiness of this situation, there is still so very much I'm grateful for in how this has played out. I can't say enough good things about the hospital we went to, though I haven't gotten the bill yet. Because its part of the Catholic Health system here in town, they bury the remains of all the miscarried babies in a local cemetery and hold a memorial service twice a year. We'll be invited to the next one. I received a card from the housekeeper on the ob-gyn floor. They sent me home with some letters and poems from the chaplin's staff there. While my religious beliefs are not exactly the same as those of the Catholic church I am so grateful for the support system from the hospital and that the remains will be buried. If Stewart ever becomes a filthy rich lawyer we'll add a wing onto the hospital. And maybe get me that new ovary.