Sunday, May 6, 2012

What is the worth of a conception?

Don't worry, I don't want to get into a debate about the worth of a person, or even what it will cost us to get a tiny person of our own (I keep a running tally in my mind but I'm going to need some paper and a pencil soon :) but I have lately decided to institute what I'm calling "Period Presents." 

Every 28-32 days I have a really really bad day.  At least I know it's coming and can prepare for it (stock the freezer with Ben & Jerry's and make sure I go for a run a day or so beforehand, etc.) but I still get really sad.  So I've decided to try to make this time of the month a little easier on me by buying myself something with the money that I'd otherwise be spending on a crib or a car seat.

For April I got myself a raclette cooker.  I went all out and got the granite top and everything.  For May I got myself a book (even though I'm not technically allowed to read any books this year that I didn't own on January 1, 2012), which I bought from our local, independent bookshop even though amazon had it for about half the cost.  The idea being instant gratification and supporting the local bookshop.  I called ahead and had them reserve the last copy they had.  When I stopped by to pick it up after work they had coupled it with volume 4 in a five volume series on President Johnson or Ford or something like that.  Since this was meant to be an inspiring book-buy I politely declined the latter.

I think my June present will be a bike, even though I haven't ridden a bike in years and I'm a bit scared of the prospect.  I like the idea of biking around town this summer.  So in my free time over the next few weeks I'll be bike shopping.  One month I may get a massage.  For another my present may just be a block of raclette cheese and the chocolate cake for 2 from here, except it will be for just me.  Once the husband is a big-time lawyer I'll add fancy vacations and expensive clothes to the list.  I've already warned him that I might come home one day with a shiny new car that is terribly non-sensible.  And I'll probably get a dog after we buy a house again (I've already decided that his name will be Beauregard and I'll call him Beau so I have to find a dog that looks like a Beauregard). 

I've found that I'm not the first to do this while dealing with infertility, and I hope that it brings me and the others who do the same thing, a little bit of comfort, at least for a short time.  Feel free to offer ideas but here's to hoping I don't make it too far down my list.