Don't worry, I don't want to get into a debate about the worth of a person, or even what it will cost us to get a tiny person of our own (I keep a running tally in my mind but I'm going to need some paper and a pencil soon :) but I have lately decided to institute what I'm calling "Period Presents."
Every 28-32 days I have a really really bad day. At least I know it's coming and can prepare for it (stock the freezer with Ben & Jerry's and make sure I go for a run a day or so beforehand, etc.) but I still get really sad. So I've decided to try to make this time of the month a little easier on me by buying myself something with the money that I'd otherwise be spending on a crib or a car seat.
For April I got myself a raclette cooker. I went all out and got the granite top and everything. For May I got myself a book (even though I'm not technically allowed to read any books this year that I didn't own on January 1, 2012), which I bought from our local, independent bookshop even though amazon had it for about half the cost. The idea being instant gratification and supporting the local bookshop. I called ahead and had them reserve the last copy they had. When I stopped by to pick it up after work they had coupled it with volume 4 in a five volume series on President Johnson or Ford or something like that. Since this was meant to be an inspiring book-buy I politely declined the latter.
I think my June present will be a bike, even though I haven't ridden a bike in years and I'm a bit scared of the prospect. I like the idea of biking around town this summer. So in my free time over the next few weeks I'll be bike shopping. One month I may get a massage. For another my present may just be a block of raclette cheese and the chocolate cake for 2 from here, except it will be for just me. Once the husband is a big-time lawyer I'll add fancy vacations and expensive clothes to the list. I've already warned him that I might come home one day with a shiny new car that is terribly non-sensible. And I'll probably get a dog after we buy a house again (I've already decided that his name will be Beauregard and I'll call him Beau so I have to find a dog that looks like a Beauregard).
I've found that I'm not the first to do this while dealing with infertility, and I hope that it brings me and the others who do the same thing, a little bit of comfort, at least for a short time. Feel free to offer ideas but here's to hoping I don't make it too far down my list.
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4 comments:
If I find myself down the same path, I told Kevin I am getting a vw bug convertible. Just for summers/good weather. It's not a replacement, but it symbolizes a type of freedom that I think I could learn to embrace. I hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does, I'm getting a bug!
i think you should get an ebelskiver pan next. they're so yummy.
also, trips to visit the engs... sounds legit to me.
Morgan, I've decided that with Stewart's first paycheck as a real lawyer I'm buying myself another pickup truck. And Alissa, a trip to visit you will probably be the month after that.
So, I have never told you, but I have enormous respect for you and stew and love your courage and honesty. My mom and dad couldn't conceive for seven years and I know it was very hard on them. That started me out having compassion for it, but reading more from you and stew has deepened my sympathy and I thank you for that. I found this article online about mother's day and infertility within Momronism and thought you might be interested: www.the-exponent.com/a-new-kind-of-mothers-day/
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